Communication Style – How it Can Affect a Child

Using certain words when speaking with a child may have an effect on his self-esteem during emotional development and later on in life.

Everyday people use different ways of communicating to get their point across, whether it be through body language, their tone of voice, and even sometimes through the choice of words they use to explain something. This philosophy also holds true when communicating with children and how the use of certain words may effect their self-esteem.

Is Constant Praise for Children Healthy?

In their story "Psychology of Parenting: Why Praising Your Kids Can Hurt Them," that appeared in Nightline, Cynthia McFadden and Deborah Apton quoted Carol Dweck, a professor of psychology at Stanford University as saying, "Not all praise is created equal. Telling children they're smart can actually hurt them, and you get a far better result if you praise children for challenging themselves, and for effort."

By using a different way to communicate with children, parents can instill a good sense of self, better self-esteem and allow them the autonomy they need in order to have the self-confidence needed to believe in themselves.

Different Communication Styles

According to Carol Dweck, who conducted a longitudinal study of 400 students which implemented different communication styles, these studies showed how communication styles can have a profound impact on a child's well being. This happens through the choice of words adults use to communicate to their child, which can be interpreted by children differently.

One example of using a less favorable technique would be when a child completes a task and is praised in a way that centers around the child's natural abilities, which contributed to their success. An example of this would be:

"Great job, you are so smart." By stating that their success was accomplished because of a factor that they do not have control over may lead children to believe that their efforts do not influence their performance.

Dweck's longitudinal study found that communicating this way puts pressure on the child to perform because he/she is naturally thought of as being smart.

After prolonged use of this type of communication style, children who were taught with this type of communication style began starting to feel intense pressure on their performance and their grades began to decline. They lacked self-esteem and began to be unsure of themselves and their decisions.

On the other hand, when another child was given the same task, yet was spoken to using a different type of communication style and word usage in relation to his achievements, he had better results.

When children are told, "Great job, you worked really hard to accomplish this task." over time, they have shown to excel in school, have better self-esteem, good self-confidence and the ability to believe in themselves.

A Parenting Method to Try

Now this article is not telling parents to change their parenting techniques or communication style for any reason. Simply put, this is merely another parenting method that can give parents food for thought.

The main point of this article is to let parents know that there are different ways to communicate with their children. They can accomplish this by allowing their children the autonomy needed to develop the self-esteem and confidence they need to be healthy adults. This helps them have a better sense of self to know that they have what it takes within themselves to accomplish many goals in life.

Author:  Victoria Rodriguez-Baziuk